A Serious Trust Exercise

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen the movie Frozen. I think I saw it 4 times when it came out in theaters, and I watch it every winter with my family. Each time we watch it, my dad says, "Elise, you are Ana (the hilarious main character that goes on a wild adventure to bring her sister back to the castle and save summer) and you cannot even deny it". And I fully accept this. She rocks.

While the entire movie is hilarious if you watch it with the right people, one of my favorite parts of the move occurs when Ana basically launches herself off of a rock wall into the arms of Kristoff ; when he catches her, she says "that was like a crazy trust exercise". This part of the movie cracks me up every time, but, until recently, I never put much thought into the awesomeness of this quote and the actions that went along with it.

This weekend, I went rock climbing for the first time in my life. Not rock climbing on a rock wall in the gym. I am talking real life, real cliff, giant rock thing next to the road in Golden, Colorado. My friends Laura and Ryan invited me to do this terrifying activity and initially, I refused flat-out. I said "Ummmm no thank you. How about a nice hike instead?". Laura was persistent though and told me it would be fun!

So that is how we began. Ryan and Laura set up an "easy route" for my friend Natalie and me because we were first time climbers, and this is what it looked like (above).

So yeah. That was the "beginner"/"easy" option... umm ok ninja climbers. Thanks for thinking that I am a pro, but this is not exactly what I would call "easy".

Laura got me strapped into a harness, and Ryan was my anchor dude at the bottom, and he was in charge of helping me NOT fall and die. This is how I felt before I climbed up a vertical slice of the earth with tiny rubber shoes next to a rushing river with a 150 lb dude holding my life in his hands. Basically, I felt really confident. HA. NOT!!!

And so began my ascent to the top of the world. And boy is that what it felt like!! I held on to tiny notches in the side of the rock, and my feet rested on ledges about an inch wide as I made my way up the side of the rock. As a first-time climber, I didn't trust the equipment until I took my first fall. Let me tell you, the first time I slipped, MY HEART STOPPED AND I SQUEALED. Yep. Squealed. I thought I was going to die or at least become paralyzed as my legs slammed into the rock, scoring some awesome bruises. But alas. Ryan didn't even move at all because apparently, the ropes and carabiners can hold up to 2000 lbs. So I actually only dropped about a foot before the ropes caught me. Although this information is comforting, I wish I knew that before I fell. But I digress.

After I fell, I was so terrified of falling again that I just glued my body against the rock as close as I could and shut my eyes. I don't know how long I was in this position, but as a result of panic, fear of heights, and a lot of negative self talk, I began to doubt my strength, skills, and problem-solving abilities. Each time I got stuck, I felt close to tears because I didn't want to disappoint my friends or myself again and I definitely did not want to fall. (Notice...in the picture below, I am trying not to move or breathe because I am barely even standing on anything.)

My friends at the bottom were so patient and encouraging, and when I turned to them and said, "I can't do this!!! It is too hard and I have nothing to hold on to!!" Ryan said, "I am not letting you come down until you go a little higher". This made me EXTREMELY angry as I was climbing and I kind of mumbled under my breath how annoying he was and that it was an impossible task. He is the worst. But if I wanted to get down, I had no other choice. So after talking to myself a bit and saying a few prayers for courage, I SOMEHOW managed to wedge my foot onto a TINY ledge and pull myself a little bit higher just so I could get down. HA! Take that Ryan! I was triumphant at my small victory, and when I looked down at my friends, I saw them cheering for me!

(Here is the crew! Ryan (aka "The Worst") is in the black t-shirt and green shorts.)

Ryan said, "I thought you couldn't go higher???". And a huge grin spread across my face. I DID IT!!! I conquered my fears -temporarily- and got a little closer to my goal. Even though the temptation to repel down was outstanding, I decided to continue climbing. Near the end of my climb at another particularly difficult part, Ryan called up to me and said, "Elise, you can do this. I want you to put 100% of your strength into your left leg, and trust me. You will make it to the top". So even though it was the scariest and most difficult thing I have ever done, I decided to trust him, the equipment, and the others that assured me I could do it. With my shaking legs, sweating hands, and really sore toes (my climbing shoes were 2 sizes too small...), I pushed with all of my strength and...

I MADE IT to the top!!! The feeling I had when I reached the top was similar to how I felt when I reached my first mountain summit. Basically, I was filled with a sense of pride, gratitude, strength, bravery, and accomplishment.

(Look closely at the photo above...is that a smile?)

I cannot even tell you how awesome I felt to be on the top, looking out to the river and the mountains in the setting sun. I looked down, and Ryan and Laura and the rest of my friends looked so tiny, and I said to myself, "Elise, YOU JUST DID THAT!!!" and I smiled as I repelled down the rocks jubilantly.

For the rest of the night, I couldn't help connecting the experiences I had while climbing to my life. How many times have I been stuck on a tiny rock ledge as I strive to reach a goals? So many!! When I stumble through my classes or strive to be my best self but fall short, I feel myself get stuck on a ledge. When I look in the mirror and compare myself to others, I sometimes feel that same paralyzing insecurity. In these moments, is difficult to muster up the courage to continue the ascent, especially when the fear of failure is staring me in the face. In times like these, I may want to look down and say, "It is too hard to continue! I want to get down NOW!!". But thankfully, those around me don't let me off the hook that easily.

When I fall off of the rock and dangle from the rope, the hardest thing in the world is to get back up and continue climbing, but guess what? My family is there to lift me back up. My friends stand near me, cheering me on as I climb. And most importantly, God is my rope, and He patiently waits as I compose myself, pump myself up with the encouragement from my friends and family, and continue climbing towards Him. I cannot adequately describe how crazy it felt to have to trust a rope and a tiny dude to catch my fall, but after I fell once, I knew that Ryan would catch me if I fell again. I had to tell myself OUT LOUD, "Ryan will catch you. Just CLIMB!". This is a lesson I will also take to my spiritual life. Instead of Ryan though, I will talk to Jesus. I know that when I put all of my trust in Him, like I put my trust in the rope, my friends, and my own strength, Jesus will help me climb to the top. Even when I feel so afraid of failure, even when I want to remain frozen because that is easier than facing the rock wall, I can just shout out His name, and He will be my rope to catch me when I fall.

So although life -like rock climbing- is like some "crazy trust exercise" as Ana puts it, it is an exhilarating adventure, and the good news is, we are never alone!

I hope that this little story finds you enjoying a new week, and I hope you are all well! Know I pray for you all each day and am sending you lots of hugs from Denver! <3